the christmas fantasy

unable to deal with death and darkness, hence by association not with birth either, we kill god in order to give rebirth to him as a jolly gift-giving fat man. if I were god I'd rather not be so impoverished. I'd rather have kept my mysteries. I'd rather die than be put in a red costume. but then again, we are talking about a culture that decided a year or so ago that pluto, which is hades, is not really a planet, but a dwarf planet.

we have god as santa and the king of the underworld as a dwarf. what next?

the green road to luton

it is an epic. like the odyssey. we are travelling across a london which is actually plains and buses--more like poland--to get to luton airport, to go home. mostly on foot, may I say. on the way we meet many people, many places, flats and houses like islands where we're held up.

there is one moment when I find myself yet again hiding behind a white sofa, I have fallen straight into the midst of a game played by long-forgotten high school friends.

another moment when I realise the time--we are late, obviously.

another moment where some one tells us where to take a right. by that tree, was it? by the barn?

so it's entered me. the buses and the airports. that specific green. people and their flats.

what to say? welcome...

compensation vs wish fulfillment in dreams

jung is simply aware of the impossibility of full satisfaction, awake or asleep. he is a bit of a pessimist. but he means the same thing, ultimately. cause what would happen to the theatricality of the underworld if each dream fulfilled one desire, full filled fully filled, there would be an end to dreams, which would be horrible. so we are not fulfilled so that we can go on dreaming after all. we'd rather be compensated, oh well, better than nothing.

now if we turn our attention to a particular and adopt a less hypothetical and more practical language what would we say?

exhausting dreams repetitions of that which occurs daily and that which reminds me daily that it is NOT occuring so the compensation, the momentary gratification in the cinematic experience, is ultimately incapable even of compensating for what is lacking.

hence let us not speak of degrees at all. let us not quantify (as in every other time). let us recognize the void. or let us not recognize anything at all. either way will do.

benim aska inancim kalmadi hic sorma sooormaaa

soru bir: hic sorma, yani sorma hic mi demek istiyor yoksa hic inanci mi kalmamis?

soru iki: beni ellere verdin utanmadin hic yosma yosma mi diyor? osman mi yoksa? (aslinin bozma oldugunu soylediler ama anlamsiz--neyi bozmasin ellere vermis iste daha ne yapsin ki...)

(ayrica diyelim ki bozma, o zaman da hic bozma mi diyor yoksa hic utanmadin mi diyor)

soru uc: daha dogrusu gozlem uc: hatta epiphany 3: yok 1 olmali:
aya benzer yuregim e dogal olarak takipteyim'den kasit gunesi takip ediyorum daha dogrusu oyle dunyanin etrafinda donuyorum ama asil aradigim gunesin isigi falan gibi cok derin bir mevzu.

senate house library makes me well-organized and systematic in my thinking.