i found a reason

tutunum tutunum dedim de, anlatmayi unuttum gecen gece ruyamda elimde paket tutam tutam tutun yiyordum. bence senin bu iste parmagin var. yani bu iste senin parmagin var.

bir de, i was going to tell you the latest lost ideas (observations--how did we not notice!) from my brother in law and forgot.

and actually I had a few more things to say about teeth and doors and curtains.

ya bu mektup gibi oldu. daha kaliteli entryler de olacaktir elbet.

daimons and eudaimonia

i must be the one of the devil's daughters

bye bye blackbird

weary blues from waiting

singing=being on good terms with your spirits

ajar

the reason I haven't been writing is that I haven't much to say. and whatever I've got to say I've been saying elsewhere elsehow.

so the public was demanding answers, right. this does it.

a question:

why is it that the smallest thumb corresponds to the biggest toe?

bir de bu

just listen--the images are kinda cheesy

goosebumps

when martha joins in

don't know why i didn't do this before...

to stay a child

to dream of footsteps on a freshly painted black stage floor

to see ghosts where there is none and to love them anyway

to not to eat, much, for that matter

to have extra pairs of shoes always, despite the risk of becoming a bag lady

to plot with wigs and numberless glasses

don't know which is nicer--stilts or tallescopes...

no need for comparison anyways.

firina verilmis prometheus

pek yakinda, adile nasit sesiyle:

kuzucuklarim

going places, playing games

it is a place like this perhaps--just that i realise my place is a bar. (now that I think of it it is like that cheap homemade food rooftop place in asmalimescit) and the night before home was a place you entered through an intricately designed wrought-iron gate. with a bell. it's night, in both instances.

my hat is sitting at the bottom of the wardrobe, slightly out of shape, slightly crushed.

for emily

i missed you already
and now will always miss
for you are no longer
and so will always be

onyedi nisan ikibinsekiz

gunle beraber gitti cancagzim
simdi bir seyler soylemek lazim

"we fall down the stairs to eat damp earth"

demis lorca. ben de bu lafi oyunda bin kez gordukten sonra soyle bir ruya goruyorum:

bir kavanozdan kasik kasik kahve yiyorum, oyle tatli guzel leziz ki. hatta bu niye boyle sekerli gibi derken, yedigimin kakao oldugunu anliyorum.

Allah'im! Freud beni tanisaydi...

my unconscious is anything but high culture

in my dream said is planning to blow up the island--it is tiny actually--and we all live off it in a boat (like a book like a thread like a boat?) and there are wild flowers there which elif and elif go regularly to water and they want to save the flowers before said kills us all, but I take alllll the girls through mews and passages and cobblestone streets and into and out of buildings with arched entrances and somehow end up where said is and i try to ersuade him not to do it as it becomes apparent that in fact he is not equipped to do it--it is almost sad, I almost want that empth shack to be full of those cartoonlike bombs and not just dust and old pieces of metal.

sources to be traced back to (typo copyright lovely student who made me laugh in the middle of the night) martian crimp thomas mann and the streets where I live and obviously lost.

ilham perisi fasist mi?

bakiniz sag el, kurt isareti.

(yoksa acep adamin kafasina mini bir fiske mi vurmak uzere?)

(oteki eli adama arkadan kulak yapmaya mi hazirlaniyor?)

(adamin annesi mi aslinda bu kadin yoksa, hani odedipus falan olayi?)

(typo super olmus birakiyorum.)

tilkiler ve adab-i muaseret

laurie grove'da bir tilki kokladigi su birikintisine isedi. temiz koksa isemeyecek miydi? bunu ogrenmek istiyorum.

home

first thing i hung my hat

the salt the honey the mirror and the fox

gidenlerden aaaah

bana comment bırakmayan..............................................
..............................................................................................
..........................................bayağı ayıp etmiş bir insandır.

what next?

(not that it's over yet...)

On the Purgatorial Banal in Lost: From Sawyer's Shoulders to Locke's Boxes and Beyond

The Dissemination of Embodied Ontologies: Is Your Mother A Nun?

What is Cool: Practice as Research, a Dialectical Approach

E-piss-tem-ology: The Thematic Patterns and Know-how of Internet Humour

The New Freud: Traumas of the Child of the Eighties
(Includes an Appendix)
(Some entries are: fitil, chap-stick, vatka, duran duran, portakal/turuncu)

Me: Me and me and me

Sleeping Patterns of Cats and Squirrels: A Comparative Study

Derrida/Deleuze/Foucault/Lacan: Locating the Ethical Everywhere and Anywhere

bir daha

life on mars

nerde benim bisikletim?

brand new key

i dreamt of you last night

apparently you live close to me--next to my house in fact--and you have been downloading music from my computer, and you say it is like i am there with you--yes that is where i eat and sleep--and i need to go somewhere, there are lots of clothes and i pick a skirt (kinda tacky white with black buttons down the front, a-line with tight waist and black flowery pattern) and oh dear i am wearing winter clothes stockings wooly and i need to take them off and i put on the skirt cause i am coming swimming.

and what is actually most touching is that i do know where you are--unlike clouseau. and that is no swimming matter, it must be very cold.

and i know your toes and your tummy.

ayrıca

günün anlam ve ehemmiyeti adına bir güfte de lazım:

aşka yürek gerek anlasana
bin defa yanıyorum ama gitmeliyim
yaranı sarıp acını dindiremem
bak bana ben acının ta kendisiyim

lafı aslında değil mi eternal sunshine'da kızın söylediğinin birebir aynısı hani neredeyse? bilenlere sorarım, mustafa sandal'a karşı olanlara da sözüm ya sev ya terket olacaktır, hep.

yassu ligo ligo. (sto banio?)

taşlaşmak üstüne

i might see the army of stone tomorrow--self-recognition
or sing, a winter's day in a deep and dark december--self-deprecation
or stay with the image and repeat the word--self-pity

instead something happens to remind me--stone or not--identity is relational, organic, manifold.
çok şükür.

this is how the world will be

everywhere I go it rains on me

here's to:

the cats who think they are tigers who think they are hamlet.

and the lollipops who think they are roses who think they are thoughts.

and the fools who think they are princesses who think they are loose women.

I could go on...

I'd like Thrasymacus to pursue this question.

why do we recognise people by their faces?

why do we have pictures of our faces on ids?

and not:

or:

oh lord won't you buy me

she is not a legend. apparently, a miss mercedes benz used to work where I now work back in the day.

a black and white rainbow

a young black girl, (from peckham?), entrusts herself to me on a bus. no we shouldn't get off before her--I suggest she sit near the driver--but she has a problem, she cannot distinguish colours. neither can she tell numbers. I take her to an up-on-a-hill dusty-road tea-garden with a beautiful view of the sea to kiss my mother's hand.

asla düzelmez, asla düzelmez

the last temptation of virgin mary

bir güfte idi...

under the boardwalk

there is a hotel made of glass and I walk around trying to find my room, and only now do I remember the strange source of the image: this weird cartoon that I watched (when where why?) where these under-sea beings animals things were hanging out visiting each other in glass houses and they had to take care of some one's flowers when they went away and made a mess and they wore oxygen globes--quite a childish thing actually. this must have been a phd summer supposedly writing moment. late night television, that is.

yes, the remembering continues, with the aid of google. spongebob squarepants. horrible cartoon, really. and uncannily relevant to my unconscious apparently...

but then again something must have happened then and there. gotta go back to the fanus hotel. (oooh even more associations.)

by the way I am also having issues with the word assessment. (what is the physical action to assess? somebody tell me please. where does it start in the body?)

i love peckham

tattoos of fears

kolay mı sandın aklınca?

bilmem

olur mu?

bilemedim, yani

üzmek istemem

yok yok ben...

olabilir

peki öyle diyorsan

dur bir daha bir

ben bir

ay bilmiyorum

belki

sonra

olabilir